You make think “if you have it, you have it.” I suppose that can be true to a certain degree, but I’m of the mindset that you can always learn skills that can help you in any aspect. When I think of self-love it’s basically synonyms with self-care. If you have love of self, you’re taking action steps towards your own happiness and self-care is all about taking actions to help your overall health both physically and emotionally. I would hope that those self-care actions also equate to you being happy (aka self-love).
February, being heart month as well as the month of love, I thought it would be appropriate to give you some solid steps towards developing a healthy relationship with your own self-love journey.
BELIEVE IN YOURSELF
One of the biggest challenges people face when it comes to believing in yourself is letting go of the negative mentality. However, even though we may not be able to control our situations or the people around us you control what you can… your attitude. You get to decide what direction you allow your thoughts to go. This is why affirmations are a powerful tool. What we think we believe and what we believe we think, so it’s easy to get caught up in a catch 22 and why people spiral. You need to interrupt those negative thoughts and create a new though pattern.
Another thing that can help you develop belief in yourself is to surround yourself with people you admire, appreciate and value. Better yet, make sure you respect their attitude because as you’ve heard before you are a reflection of the top 5 people you spend time with the most.
TRUST YOUR INTUITION
We all have more than 5 senses, but it’s not what were taught in school. And depending on how you were raised, you might have even been taught that anything outside of your 5 senses is taboo or dare I say sinful. We often suppress our intuition because our logical brain gets in the way, but remember your brain is hard wired to protect you, nothing more. If you’re longing to deepen that connection with your gut feeling there are several tactics you can implement and practice: meditation, prayer, be mindful of your feelings (journal), and let yourself dream and have great goals.
DON’T COMPARE YOURSELF
This sometimes is easier said than done, because our brains naturally sift through data to determine how we’re measuring up. But what are you measuring yourself up to exactly? Remember social media is usually people’s highlight reels. Not to mention that you don’t get to see all the work that person has done (or not) to get where they’re at. Plus, you’re in different places in your journey. We live in an instant gratification era and we naturally want success, fame, money, vacations, and the x, y, z outcome, right now!
And I’ll even go one step further to say don’t compare yourself to your past or future self either. That can equally rob you of joy with a quickness.
LEARN FROM MISTAKES
The first step is to reframe it being a mistake. Instead of beating yourself up for where you [think] you’ve faltered, look at that action, or lack of, as an opportunity to learn and grow. Ask yourself questions to dive deeper into what you think went wrong or what you could do better the next time around. Equip yourself with the proper knowledge and tools – book, podcast, friend/mentor, therapist, etc.
MAKE HEALTHY CHOICES
Eating nutritious foods: greens, veggies, nuts, fruits, and lean proteins does so much more than fuel your body. It affects your immunity, mental clarity, and mood to name a few key benefactors. Going beyond making healthy food choices, you can also be mindful of your alcohol content, not smoke/vape, drink plenty of water, and the less obvious health choices like your work environment and mental health.
MOVE BODY DAILY Moving your body daily is going to look different for everyone. Remember my third tip, don’t compare yourself! Finding fun activities to get your body moving is always the best because you’ll be more apt to doing them. However, sometimes our lifestyle requires us to get a little creative with our daily movement.
Examples of the more traditional forms of exercise: walk/run/jog, swim, sports, fitness classes, yoga, and cycling.
Examples of more adventurous activities: hiking, rock climbing, obstacle courses, kayaking, skiing, and surfing.
Examples of unique or creative ways to move your body: dance, roller skate, use a balance ball to sit at your desk, or a standing desk, sex, park farther away, take the stairs, stretch, and clean house/chores.
You get the point. There are a bazillion ways to move your body each day. It’s up to you to find the one(s) that work for you, so you actually do it.
SET BOUNDARIES There are boundaries for every aspect of your life. The big ones are physical, spiritual, financial, emotional, and time. These are going to be based on your personal preference, as is everything with self-love, but basically your goal is to honor and be intentional with your time (will get to this next), resources, and talents. That might mean saying no sometimes. You don’t want to be overextended yourself, but more importantly you don’t want to do things out of obligation, you want to be doing things that bring you joy and are fulfilling to you.
BE INTENTIONAL WITH YOUR TIME Being intentional is pretty straightforward – it means you’re choosing to do something deliberately in full consciousness. This requires healthy boundaries for sure. You can start by identifying what’s important to you. Create and follow a schedule – those things that are important to you (like moving your body and spending time with friends/family) should make their way onto your calendar. You’re aware that we’re not guaranteed tomorrow, so start trying to live with purpose and truly make the most out of the time you have.
I believe in you and I know that you know how much you deserve a quality life filled with love, both from other people and yourself.
xoDanette