I blinked and just like that my once little boy has grown from building Lego into going to college to study Mechanical Engineering. If you’re in the season of being an empty nester you know all too well that your focus one day was juggling everyone’s schedules, late-night homework help, and family dinners; the next, your home feels quieter, emptier, and strangely unfamiliar. Becoming an empty nester is a bittersweet milestone. It’s a season filled with pride for your young adult’s independence and excitement for their future, but it’s also natural to feel sadness, worry, or even a loss of purpose when they leave for college or life on their own.
The key to navigating this transition is to view it not as an “ending” but as an opening to a new chapter. By embracing self-care, strengthening your relationship with your partner (or yourself if single), and learning how to best support your child from afar, you can turn the empty nest into a nest of opportunity. And no, I’m certainly not an expert on the matter… yet! I thought I’d write this as a guide and advice to myself and if it can help you too, that’s wonderful.
TAKING CARE OF YOU
Your first instinct might be to throw yourself into your child’s new college life - texting daily, tracking their whereabouts, or worrying about every exam. But remember, your well-being sets the tone for theirs. This is the perfect time to nurture yourself.
Holistic Self-Care Tools
- Essential Oils for Emotional Balance: Diffuse doTERRA’s Balance Grounding Blend or Serenity Restful Blend to calm feelings of restlessness at night. Citrus oils like Wild Orange or Tangerine help uplift your mood when loneliness creeps in.
- Journaling with Gratitude: Write down 1-3 things you’re grateful for each day. This practice shifts the focus from “what I’ve lost” to “what I still have and what’s ahead.”
- Mind-Body Wellness: Consider stretching, working out, or nature walks. These practices not only release physical tension but also encourage emotional release, helping you adjust with grace.
Think of this season as a chance to rediscover passions and hobbies that once brought you joy, or explore new ones entirely.
REINVESTING IN RELATIONSHIPS
This is also a new era for your relationships – be it a spouse, partner or best friend. After years of focusing much of your energy on parenting, you now have the opportunity to rediscover each other.
Activities to Reignite Connection
- Date Nights: Weather you go out or stay in doesn’t really matter – it’s about devoting time to one another. Try a new restaurant, cook a meal together, snuggle in for a good movie, or being active together. Plan weekly outings—concerts, walks/hikes, coffee dates—to rebuild shared experiences.
- Shared Growth Goals: Choose a project you can work on together, like gardening, fitness, or even taking a class. Growth alongside one another deepens bonds.
- Couples Rituals: Try a nightly wind-down ritual. Diffuse calming oils, sip herbal tea, hold hands and talk about dreams for the future. This creates intentional space for connection.
If you’re single, this is your time to lean into self-discovery. Plan solo adventures, take up new hobbies, and build friendships that fill your heart. You can make the suggested activities less “romantic” and more friendship based too – it all depends on your situation and desired outcomes.
REFRAMING THE WORRY
It’s natural to feel concerned when your child heads into the world. Yet hovering or checking in constantly can stifle their growth and fuel your anxiety. Instead, create healthy rhythms that allow space for both of you. Remember you did a great job raising them to be independent and be positive contributors to society.
Practical Tips for Letting Go of Worry
- Set Communication Boundaries: Decide together how often you’ll check in. For example, a Sunday phone call or a few texts throughout the week. This keeps you connected without overstepping.
- Shift the Narrative: Instead of imagining worst-case scenarios, reframe your thoughts: “They’re resourceful. They’re learning. They’re continuing to build their independence.”
- Ground Yourself Daily: Use practices like prayer, meditation, or diffusing grounding oils to calm your mind when worry arises – Adapativ® Calming Blend has been my go-to.
EMPOWERING YOUR YOUNG ADULT
Your role is shifting from hands-on caretaker to mentor and cheerleader. The best way to support your child during the college years is to help them feel capable and confident in their independence. I try to remind myself that my relationship, especially with my mom, grew more into a friendship after I left my parents nest and I look forward to that with my son.
Ways to Offer Empowering Support
- Encourage Problem-Solving: If they call with an issue, ask guiding questions instead of jumping in with solutions. This helps them develop autonomy.
- Celebrate Their Wins: Whether it’s acing a test or simply surviving a tough week, acknowledging their efforts fuels their confidence.
- Send Care, Not Control: By listening to their wants/needs when you do talk to them you can surprise them with thoughtful care packages. That product they need, healthy snacks, gum/candy they’re missing or a hand-written note. It shows love without micromanaging.
- Model Independence: Show them that you’re thriving, too. When they see you exploring life fully, it reassures them that it’s okay to do the same.
A SEASON OF EXPANSION
Becoming an empty nester is not just about letting go - it’s about expansion. You’re expanding your sense of self, your relationship with your partner, and your vision for the future. Most importantly, you’re giving your child the priceless gift of autonomy and confidence to navigate adulthood.
So, take a deep breath. Turn on your diffuser. Pick up that hobby you’ve been putting off. Plan that date night or solo adventure. I’d love to hear about your experience.
Shoot me an email and let me know how you’re handling this experience. I’m open to advice too, so if you’ve already been down this road please share with me if you have additional tips on how to navigate being an empty nester.
Remember, your nest may feel empty, but your life is now full of possibility...
xoDanette